So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
