Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
