he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
