addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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