Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
