Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
