fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
