I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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