I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
