I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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