...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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