Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Houston, we have a squirter
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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