dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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