I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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