Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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