The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
