i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
