It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
