if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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