Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
