Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
