Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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