I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
