sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
