Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I cut my penus on the lid.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
