im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
