Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
