She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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