When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
