I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
