I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
