Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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