He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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