so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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