look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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