and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
