walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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