So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
