idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
