You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
