let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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