You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
