we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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