I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
