I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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