i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
