I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
