I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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