Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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