I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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